Jefferson Fisher: Communication That Changes Us

Stuck in the same emotional patterns? Onsite's LivingCentered Program is a five-day intensive that helps you slow down, go deeper, and do the inner work that changes things. Learn more at ⁠https://hubs.la/Q04dV_Xl0 Have you ever taught others how to communicate, but still lost it in your own kitchen? What if the best communicators in the world are still works in progress, and that's exactly the point? Jefferson Fisher is a board-certified trial attorney, NY Times bestselling author of The Next Conversation, and one of themost-followed voices on communication online. Behind the millions of views is a husband, a dad, and a fifth-generation attorney from small-town Texas still figuring it out in real time. In this conversation, Miles and Jefferson get into the real stuff — a flooded house, a morning fight, imposter syndrome, and why even the best communicators still have to earn their reps every day. Jefferson opens up about the moment being a public-facing person started changing his everyday life, why going to extremes in arguments almost never works, and the phrase his wife came up with mid-argument that changed how he sees conflict. Miles shares a raw moment from his kitchen and what happened when he finally stopped doubling down and let his wife bring the temperature down. In this conversation, you'll learn:How to Enter Hard Conversations with Something to Learn, Not Something to ProveHow the Ignition and Cooling Phases Work in Real ArgumentsWhy Affirming a Feeling First Is the Most Disarming Move You Can MakeHow Vulnerability Builds More Trust Than Any Credential on the WallHow to Stop Going to Extremes in Conflict and What to Do InsteadWhy the Best at Being Human Learn It From Living, Not StudyingHow to Tell the Difference Between a Reaction and a RepairHow Fame Makes the Very Things You Teach Harder to PracticeWhy What's Good for the Family Is Good for the BusinessHow to Let Go of the Conversation You Had Scripted in Your HeadFollow Human School:YouTube - Human School PodcastInstagram - @humanschoolofficialThreads - @humanschoolofficialTikTok - @humanschoolofficial What We Discuss:00:00:00 - Meet Jefferson Fisher00:03:54 - What law school doesn’t teach00:04:42 - How a trial attorney became a communication voice00:06:09 - Small Town Silsby, Texas00:08:14 - 800 friends to millions of strangers00:10:24 - Contrast is the unlock for building an audience00:27:17 - IBC Root Beer & A Story Told Twice 00:12:33 - His Dad Raised Him with Questions, not Answers00:19:57 - Imposter Syndrome feels different when your job istalking00:23:42 - Does he actually use any of this at home?00:29:18 - Miles's morning: A flooded house, a fight, and arepair00:38:08 - Ignition and cooling phases in action00:39:51 - The one move that stops almost any argument00:45:08 - One Take Videos: Just being Real on Camera00:47:45 - Have something to learn, not something to prove00:53:33 - Surrender as a daily practice00:57:19 - Even the experts are still chasing the tools theyteach01:01:48 - Why therapists send clients Jefferson's book01:06:41 - What Jefferson doesn't like about therapy01:14:26 - ‘Either way, it's good’— the phrase that reframed conflict01:15:39 - Embarrassment makes men double down instead of own it01:19:38 - Jefferson’s Motto on Choosing What’s Next01:21:05 - Projects in the works from Jefferson