Teshuvah and the God We Think We Know | Rus Devorah Wallen

A conversation about Teshuvah through the dual lens of clinical attachment theory and Torah sources. We explore why perfect attunement in any relationship is a myth, and how the rupture and repair cycle of Teshuvah is actually what deepens our connections, rather than threatening it. Rus Devorah walks through how our early attachment styles get unconsciously projected onto our relationship with God, and offers concrete practices for moving toward a more secure, honest connection with Hashem during this season of return. Rus Devorah Wallen is the founder and owner of Torah Therapeutics. She is an accomplished musician, performer, social worker, psychotherapist, administrative consultant, lecturer, and community leader whose work bridges psychology and Torah wisdom. Find out more at toratherapeutics.com. Article referenced in this episode: https://substack.com/@toratherapeutics/p-212834537* * * * * * *To inquire about sponsorship & advertising opportunities, please email us at info@humanandholy.comTo support our work, visit humanandholy.com/sponsor.Find us on Instagram @humanandholy & subscribe to our channel to stay up to date on all our upcoming conversations ✨Human & Holy podcast is available on all podcast streaming platforms. New episodes every Sunday & Wednesday on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts.* * * * * * *TIMESTAMPS:00:00:00 ---- "Back to the future," not back to who you were00:00:18 ---- Host intro00:01:33 ---- Rupture, Repair, and the God We Think We Know00:02:42 ---- The myth of perfect attunement 00:04:46 ---- Why rupture & repair creates a more stabilized relationship00:05:07 ---- Attachment 00:07:55 ---- Projecting childhood attachment templates onto God 00:09:44 ---- Is it trauma,or is it truth? 00:10:49 ---- The HALTS acronym00:13:12 ---- "The prisoner can't free himself from his own cell" 00:15:20 ---- Mapping secure / anxious / avoidant attachment onto our relationship with God00:15:50 ---- What secure attachment looks like relationally 00:19:30 ---- Bringing the secure-attachment framework into relationship with Hashem00:20:19 ---- Avoidant attachment with God 00:23:09 ---- Moving from an unhealthy attachment pattern toward a more secure connection with God00:24:23 ---- Step one: learning to love yourself unconditionally 00:25:26 ---- The shofar's sounds (tekiah, shevarim, teruah) as a metaphor for inner emotional release00:27:12 ---- "Back to the future" — becoming fuller, not returning to a former self00:30:35 ---- Teshuvah as "a descent for the sake of an ascent" 00:34:12 ---- The difference between reunion and real repair — Rambam's stages of teshuvah00:41:31 --- Controlled stress as models for growth00:42:44 ---- Starting with the smallest possible action00:43:48 ---- Practical example: rebuilding belief in God one tiny step at a time00:45:22 ---- Finding an outside perspective to guide the process00:45:48 ---- Secure attachment with God makes room for doubt 00:47:00 ---- Coming to God honestly, without whitewashing pain00:48:31 ---- Needing secure human relationships first00:52:13 ---- Reconciling a loving, all-seeing God with the felt experience of suffering00:52:59 ---- Her stroke story; trusting there was a purpose in crisis00:55:26 ---- Teshuvah creates something new, not a return to a childhood faith00:56:52 ---- Holding childlike wonder within an adult relationship with God00:58:23 ---- Using imagination and visualization to access sweetness 01:00:20 ---- What if your childhood has no sweet memories to draw from?01:03:26 ---- Building everyday resilience through imaginal rehearsal01:04:16 ---- Bringing our full, imperfect selves to God01:06:40 ---- Avinu Malkeinu: God as both King and Father01:07:25 ---- Closing question 01:08:01 ---- Host's outro