Apodstasy and finding dildos

You may have heard that we are in trouble with the Mormons, but if you're reading this there's also a chance you're the little tattle tale who told the Mormons. Don't worry, the flack you'll get in this mortal plane for being a little loser is worth it considering the new fourth tier of heaven you'll be granted in the afterlife. And it comes with unlimited baby making with Joseph Smith or Brigham Young.