84. Your Insecurities Are Boring | Tatiana Pavela on Fear, Failure, and 20 Years in the Industry

Welcome to The Grind — a new series here on Get Messy. Nobody tells you what the middle looks like: the slow seasons, the unglamorous work, and the years it actually takes to build something that lasts. This series is for that middle, told by the people who are actually living it.Tatiana Pavela has been in the industry for two decades — from experimental theater in New York, to grad school in Seattle, to finding her creative home in Chicago's storefront theater scene. In this episode, she opens up about the darkest, most burnt-out period of her career (a deep depression that forced her into real mindset work out of necessity), and the profound reset that came out of COVID: learning to build space into her life instead of constantly pushing.We get into what it actually means to "do it" in this industry, why the fearless artist is a myth, and how Tatiana has learned to hold fear as a sign of doing meaningful work rather than something to avoid. She shares the wild, years-long journey of developing and touring her solo show Brandy Alexander — from a grant, to a double-header show in Minneapolis, to an invitation from Juilliard, to a full run in Edinburgh that was, in her words, one of the hardest and proudest things she's ever done. We also talk about the stigma around staying non-union, redefining success beyond bookings, and why she's stopped believing in goals altogether.This episode is for anyone who's ever felt like the industry's "shoulds" were pulling them further away from what they actually want.Key Topics Discussed:Two Decades in the Industry: New York, Seattle, and Finding Home in Chicago TheaterRedefining What It Means to "Do It" as an ArtistBurnout, Depression, and the Mindset Work Born Out of NecessityHow COVID Forced a Profound Reset and the Gift of SpaceThe Stigma Around Staying Non-Union, and Why Talent Isn't the DistinctionThe Fearless Artist Is a Myth: Learning to Use Fear as a Signal, Not a Stop SignCreating Her Own Work: The Years-Long Journey of Brandy AlexanderSuccess and Failure Existing in the Same MomentLetting Go of Goals and Making Room for What Actually Feels Aligned✨Connect with Tatiana Pavela ✨Instagram: @tatianapavellaWebsite: https://www.tatianapavela.com/✨Connect with Maddie ✨Explore Maddie's Website | @messywithmaddie