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Flying Free: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Natalie Hoffman
Flying Free is a support resource for women of faith who need hope and healing from hidden emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Because of misogynistic theology taught in controlling and spiritually abusive churches, many Christian women find themselves in destructive marriages where there is an uneven power dynamic. Male partners use their status as a husband to gain power and control over a woman’s mind, emotions, body, social life, finances, and more. When she tries to get help from her equally abusive church environment, she is betrayed and re-abused. Flying Free offers a Christ-centered, gospel-oriented perspective on domestic abuse that protects and honors the voices and autonomy of women. Tune in each week to hear conversations with emotional abuse advocates and fellow survivors who will walk with you on your journey up and out. We hear you. You are not alone.
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- 3 days ago19 min
How Do I Help My Kids Cope with Emotional Abuse? [395]
In this episode, a mom asks how to guide her children through abuse in the family. She said she used to coach her kids to comply and placate so their dad wouldn't get angry. Now she wishes she hadn't taught them to stay small.If you've ever looked back at your parenting with regret, or you're trying to figure out how to protect your kids right now, this episode is for you. We’ll talk about what to do with those regrets and how to actually protect children who can't leave. Key Takeaways:What should you do with the regret you carry about parenting in survival mode? There's a number one best response to abuse. So why can't most kids use it, and what do they need instead?When is it wise for your child to stop telling their dad he's wrong? Two verses in Proverbs that seem to contradict each other hold the key.When your kids come home from their dad's house, what is your real job as their mom? It may be simpler than you think.Can you still influence your adult children once "the cement is dry"? We’ll explore where your power still lives.Get Today’s Free Resource:🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
- 1 weeks ago1h 6m
How the Church Restricts and Oppresses Women Without Solid Biblical Reason [394]
In Episode 394 of the Flying Free Podcast, Natalie Hoffman talks with Lydia Grace Kaiser, author of Bible Truth About Women: What They Don't Tell You. Lydia was raised by a fundamental Baptist pastor and spent decades believing the Bible restricted women. In her 50’s she went to seminary to find out what the evidence actually says.If you've been told the Bible is "clear" about women's roles, but every church seems to teach something different, this conversation will help you see why. The confusion may not come from the Bible itself, but from the lens and the translation choices people bring to it. Together, we’ll walk through 1 Corinthians 14, 1 Timothy 2, Ephesians 5, and what it means to "be the head."Key Takeaways:The problem may be the lens, not the Bible: Translators make choices, and those choices can be shaped by their own beliefs about women. Greek has no quotation marks, so passages like 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 can be read as Paul quoting a view and then pushing back on it.Context changes the meaning: 1 Timothy 2 was written to a church dealing with false teaching, and one small Greek word is often translated "because" when it does not carry that meaning."Head" does not mean boss: Lydia explains that in the first century, head was a metaphor for provider and source, and the rest of the Bible names the heart, not the head, as the control center.Authority belongs to God's word and the Holy Spirit: It does not belong to the person standing at the pulpit.You can unhook from leaders who don't reflect God: Husbands, pastors, parents. When someone says they speak for God but does not reflect His character, you are free to let go of their version of God.With four decades of ministry experience and rigorous scholarship, Lydia brings deep insight to one of the church’s most confusing issues. Raised by a Baptist pastor and educated at a Christian college, she spent many years believing in restrictions on women. Finally, she studied the non-restrictive view, and instead of discovering that it was based on feelings and wishful thinking, she found it supported by stronger textual evidence—a discovery that led her to seminary to acquire more resources for research. Why is the English “plain reading” of certain passages so distorted and misunderstood? Lydia’s study uncovered numerous misleading tactics used to protect traditional power. She writes not as an outsider critiquing the church, but as an insider who deeply loves Jesus, Scripture, and the church, and who passionately pursues truth. Over time, Lydia became convinced that the church and Christian homes are missing God’s heart and God’s best for them. Their witness to the world is at stake, and restrictive teaching perpetuates harm in the USA and wherever American missionaries take it. The church, she believes, is on the cusp of reform as God purifies it from corruption and corporate-style hierarchy. This book is Lydia’s contribution to freeing women in their callings, freeing men from undue expectations, and helping both to discover God’s gift of partnership. Many years of teaching experience in the St. Louis area help Lydia make truth accessible for the average layperson.Get Lydia’s book: Bible Truth About Women: What They Don't Tell YouConnect with Lydia on her website.Get Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
- 2 weeks ago35 min
Is Emotional Abuse Really Abuse? [393]
My pastors told me that what I was experiencing for over two decades wasn’t serious enough to be called “abuse.” They said I had to be physically hurt for it to cross the line of “hard marriage” to “abusive marriage.” Their beliefs kept me spinning in a turmoil so great that I thought a lot about ending my life. If you find yourself wondering if you’d be better off dead or secretly praying your spouse might never come home again, but you’ve been told you're making a mountain out of a molehill…then listen in. I want to help clear up some of that confusion by sharing a workshop I did a while ago that answers the question, “How do I know if it’s abuse?” Key Takeaways:Chronic self-doubt and relational chaos are signs something is genuinely wrong.Your sensitivity is often your body's response to prolonged stress.I’ll give you three important questions you can ask yourself to cut through the fog.Language matters: Abusers redefine love as obedience and respect as silence — naming what's actually happening is the first step to inner freedom.God is not asking you to suffer in silence: Scripture used to justify staying in harm ignores that God defends the oppressed and sets captives free.Get Today’s Free Resource:🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
- 3 weeks ago37 min
Don’t Get Divorced Without Reading This Book First: Legally Ending Love [392]
Today we welcome back Arizona family law attorney Wendy Hernandez to celebrate the release of her brand new book, Legally Ending Love, and to walk us through exactly what every woman needs to know before they file for divorce. (Psst! When you buy her book THIS WEEK ONLY, you get a bunch of amazing free bonus resources, including a Discovery Planner, a Property and Debt Inventory worksheet, and a Free Legal-Ease Glossary - 82 family court terms in plain English, plus a free workbook. Just buy her book on Amazon - and then go to her website HERE to upload your receipt. Key Takeaways:There's a specific category of "text and email mistakes" that show up as exhibits at trial. What are you saying right now that could be used against you later?One new law passed this year changed what counts as proof of abuse in family court. Does your state recognize it yet?Attorneys use a term for the spouse who controls the money. What's it called, and what does it mean for your case if that's not you?Appeals don't work the way most women assume. Find out what actually has to happen the first time around, because there's no do-over.Wendy shares the one word she hopes every woman feels by the time she finishes her book, and it's not the word you'd expect.Having tried over 1,000 cases during her twenty-seven years as a litigator, Wendy is a courtroom warrior who has tackled every type of family law matter — from divorce to child custody and everything in between. Sharing secrets learned from the country’s top law professors at the University of Notre Dame Law School and during her battles on the family law front lines, Wendy is passionate about helping not only her clients, but also those representing themselves, to feel competent, confident and comfortable in the courtroom.Get her brand new book: Legally Ending Love (don’t forget the bonuses this week only!)Explore Wendy’s YouTube Channel, Command the Courtroom.Get Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
- Oct 6, 202639 min
Why Do Christians Get So Mad When I Talk About God’s Love? [391]
Today I’m going to tell you about the last of the three books I picked as the most life-changing for me so far. I was nervous to write this episode because the book is controversial in some circles, and even I was afraid to read it many years ago. I expected to confront all kinds of lies and heresies (this is what I was taught at my church!) Instead, I found permission to believe in a God big enough, powerful enough, and loving enough to actually win. I found in its pages what it would truly be like to lean into the God I believed in as a child. Key Takeaways:God's love shouldn't come with fine print: Somewhere along the way, many of us were sold "God's love plus a lot of caveats" like what to wear, what to say, who to vote for, and what to read, instead of just love.The people most triggered by God's love are often Christians: whenever I post about God's love on social media, the harshest pushback comes from people who identify as Christian. Fascinating, right?Questioning what you were taught may help you learn new things that take you deeper in your relationship with God. Hopefully our journey is about always learning and growing, not just having all the answers. Judgment can be restorative, not just retributive: What if true judgment is about having everything that was stolen from you (like your dignity, your security, your identity, your health, your dreams, your children) RESTORED to you again. If it’s just about punishment, how is that amazing? People can do that. Can God do more? "I could be wrong about that" is a doorway, not a threat: One of the biggest shifts in my life was moving from certainty to curiosity because certainty closes the door to learning, and humility opens it.Read Love Wins by Rob Bell 🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
- Sep 29, 202635 min
How to Deal with Triggers that Make You Spiral Out [390]
This is the second in a 3-part series where I’m sharing the top three books that have changed my life. Last week I talked about the book A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman. This week I will talk about Altogether You by Jenna Remiersma. And next week…well, you’ll have to come back then to hear me talk about a VERY controversial book in conservative Christian circles, but WOW did it absolutely do a number on my chronic fear, shame, and anger. But for now - let’s dive into a book that helped me make sense of the contradictory thoughts I struggled with every single day. “I can totally do this!” “I could NEVER DO THAT!” See what I mean? Get Today’s Free Resource:🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
- Sep 22, 202629 min
Why Do People Get Mad When You Change? [389]
A lot of people got mad at me when I started to change over ten years ago. They got so mad, they booted me out of my church and my family. In this episode, I’m going to tell you about a book that changed the way I parent, lead, and show up in my own life. It's a book about what it actually takes to become the leader of your own life when everyone around you wants things to stay the same.Key Takeaways:The real reason people push back when you change A phrase that completely redefines what "good parenting" actually looks likeThe difference between healthy empathy and "toxic empathy”Why criticism might actually be evidence that you're finally functioning betterThe three universal laws about children and parents that will make you rethink your entire approach to leadership in the home🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages. You’ll stay connected to me, my work, education, and HOPE that will change your life.
- Sep 15, 20261h 8m
"What if I'm the Abuser?" Is There Such a Thing as "Reactive Abuse?" [388]
This is a replay of one of the most listened to episodes in the Flying Free Podcast archives, and it’s such a good one, I thought I’d reshare it for our new listeners! If you've ever screamed, thrown something, said something you regret, and then wondered if you’re the abusive one, this conversation will clear that up for you. Our guest, Annette Oltmans breaks down what's really happening in your brain, why "mutual abuse" is a myth, and what happens when the very people you turn to for help end up hurting you all over again.What we cover: Why your reactions don’t match your characterA phrase from the National Domestic Violence Hotline that settles the "mutual abuse" debate for good.A former police chief once confronted Annette with a question that reveals exactly why so many victims get misread.There's a second wound that often hurts worse than the first one, and it usually comes from people inside the church.A simple physical trick can interrupt a trauma reaction before it takes over.Get Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
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About Flying Free
Flying Free is a support resource for women of faith who need hope and healing from hidden emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Because of misogynistic theology taught in controlling and spiritually abusive churches, many Christian women find themselves in destructive marriages where there is an uneven power dynamic. Male partners use their status as a husband to gain power and control over a woman’s mind, emotions, body, social life, finances, and more. When she tries to get help from her equally abusive church environment, she is betrayed and re-abused. Flying Free offers a Christ-centered, gospel-oriented perspective on domestic abuse that protects and honors the voices and autonomy of women. Tune in each week to hear conversations with emotional abuse advocates and fellow survivors who will walk with you on your journey up and out. We hear you. You are not alone.
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