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- 3 days ago
376 – AI in Counselling Practice
Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy - Can Your Therapist Be Your Counselling Supervisor? In Episode 376 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore AI in counselling practice, focusing on understanding informed consent and data use. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Amy Peters about neurodivergent affirming therapy and her new book on working with autistic and ADHD clients. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory, Ken and Paul Cullen discuss whether your therapist can also be your counselling supervisor, exploring the ethical and practical considerations. AI in Counselling Practice [starts at 03:11 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore AI in counselling practice, examining what informed consent really means in the context of AI and data protection. Key points discussed include: Informed consent goes beyond a simple agreement – clients must fully understand how their data is collected, stored, used, and shared. Therapists must be able to explain tools (including AI and apps) in clear, simple language that clients can genuinely understand. Data protection applies from the very first contact (e.g. website forms, emails), not just during therapy sessions. Clients must have control over their data, including the ability to withdraw consent and request deletion. Using third-party tools (e.g. note-taking apps or video platforms) requires explicit informed consent from clients. Consent is an ongoing process that should be revisited throughout the therapeutic relationship, not a one-time event. Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy [starts at 28:35 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Amy Peters about her book Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy: Rethinking Approaches for Autistic and ADHD Clients. Key points from this conversation include: Traditional therapy models are often rooted in neuronormative assumptions, which may not meet the needs of neurodivergent clients. Neurodivergent affirming practice shifts from a deficit-based view to recognising neurodivergence as a valid form of human diversity. Common behaviours (e.g. stimming, lack of eye contact, shutdowns) can be misinterpreted and pathologised in traditional models. Therapists may unintentionally reinforce masking or neurotypical expectations without awareness. There are persistent myths, such as autistic people lacking empathy, which can negatively impact therapeutic relationships. Increased diagnoses reflect historical underdiagnosis, especially among women and marginalised groups, rather than overdiagnosis. Can Your Therapist Be Your Counselling Supervisor? [starts at 50:11 mins] In this section, Rory, Ken and Paul Cullen explore whether it is appropriate for a therapist to also take on the role of supervisor. Key points include: Dual relationships (therapist and supervisor) can create ethical and professional conflicts and are generally discouraged. Therapy and supervision serve different purposes – therapy focuses on the client’s personal process, while supervision focuses on client work and professional practice. Prior therapeutic relationships may influence or complicate the supervisory dynamic. Ethical bodies offer varying guidance, but all highlight the need to carefully consider risks and boundaries. Supervision includes formative, normative, and restorative functions, which differ from therapeutic work. Where possible, it is advisable to seek a separate supervisor to maintain clarity and professional integrity. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
- 1 weeks ago
375 – Confidentiality and Data Privacy in the Age of AI
Secrets of a Successful Counselling Website - Handling Disagreements with Colleagues In Episode 375 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore confidentiality and data privacy in the age of AI, focusing on how counsellors can safely manage client data when using digital tools. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Daragh MacLoughlin about the secrets of a successful website, including how to attract clients ethically and effectively online. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss how counsellors handle disagreements with colleagues, with insights on navigating conflict professionally during training and beyond. Confidentiality and Data Privacy in the Age of AI [starts at 03:27 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore confidentiality and data privacy in the age of AI, examining how counsellors can uphold confidentiality and meet legal responsibilities when using AI and digital tools in practice. Key points discussed include: Confidentiality remains the cornerstone of counselling, and this responsibility extends to any digital tools used to store or process client data. Counsellors must ask: Where does my client’s data go? — including storage location, access, and retention policies. UK GDPR classifies counselling data as special category data, meaning it requires the highest level of protection. Practitioners are legally responsible as data controllers, even when using third-party apps or platforms. Checking privacy policies, GDPR compliance, and data processing agreements (DPAs) is essential for defensible decision-making. Data stored outside the UK may be subject to different laws, so safeguards must be clearly understood before use. Secrets of a Successful Counselling Website [starts at 35:14 mins] In this section, Rory is joined by Daragh MacLoughlin to uncover what makes a counselling website effective, visible, and ethically sound. Key points discussed include: Focusing on a local presence improves visibility in search engines, even when offering online therapy. Competing nationally (or internationally) can reduce visibility, making a hybrid local/online approach more effective. Ethical representation is crucial — clearly state qualifications, experience, and areas of competence without exaggeration. Websites should build trust through photos, clear messaging, and realistic expectations of the therapeutic journey. Contact forms must comply with data protection standards, including transparency about how client data is used and stored. Ongoing website maintenance and security updates are essential to protect client confidentiality and prevent breaches. Handling Disagreements with Colleagues [starts at 01:04:33 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore how counsellors can manage disagreements professionally, with contributions from Sarah Henry. Key points discussed include: Disagreements are a natural part of professional life and can occur during training and throughout a counselling career. Start with self-reflection — consider what is being activated internally before addressing the issue with others. Writing concerns down can help clarify whether the issue needs to be addressed and how best to approach it. Respectful, well-timed conversations are key to maintaining professional relationships and resolving conflict. Training groups provide a safe space to practise rupture and repair skills that are essential in client work. Not all differences are ethical issues — sometimes they reflect differing perspectives rather than wrongdoing. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
- 2 weeks ago
374 – AI and the Therapeutic Relationship
The Autism Dialogue Approach - Managing Anxiety About Counselling Training In Episode 374 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore AI and the therapeutic relationship - looking at how clients are using AI, the risks involved, and how therapists can respond ethically. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Jonathan Drury about the Autism Dialogue Approach - examining neurodiversity, communication, and how therapists can work more collaboratively and equitably. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss managing anxiety about counselling training - normalising the experience and offering strategies to navigate it. AI and the Therapeutic Relationship [starts at 02:59 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore AI and the therapeutic relationship, examining how the rise of AI is influencing therapeutic work and what this means for ethical practice. Key points discussed include: The therapeutic relationship is built on trust, empathy, and human connection - elements that AI cannot genuinely replicate. Clients may disclose more quickly to AI due to its 24/7 availability and perceived anonymity, potentially leading to over-disclosure. AI can provide inaccurate, biased, or harmful guidance, sometimes leading clients to self-diagnose incorrectly. Confidentiality is not guaranteed with AI tools, raising serious ethical and data protection concerns. Therapists should acknowledge AI use in their practice - consider including it in contracts and discussing it openly with clients. Offering clients informed choice (rather than prohibition) supports autonomy while maintaining ethical responsibility. The Autism Dialogue Approach [starts at 33:13 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Jonathan Drury about his Autism Dialogue Approach and how it supports neurodivergent communication. Key points from this conversation include: The Autism Dialogue Approach emphasises co-creation, where therapist and client work together on equal footing. It challenges traditional power dynamics in therapy, promoting equity and shared meaning-making. Moving away from a deficit-based view of autism towards recognising difference and autistic culture is essential. Dialogue involves key practices such as listening, respect, suspension of judgment, and authentic voice. Creating neurodivergence-affirming spaces includes adapting environments, communication styles, and expectations. Societal structures often disadvantage autistic individuals, and dialogue can help challenge and reshape these systems. Managing Anxiety About Counselling Training [starts at 59:03 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken discuss the common experience of anxiety in counselling training and how to manage it effectively. Key points include: Feeling anxious about starting or continuing a counselling course is completely normal and widely experienced. Anxiety can arise at multiple stages: starting training, assessments, skills practice, or placement work. Personal development groups offer a safe space to share and normalise these feelings with peers. Journaling helps externalise anxiety, making it easier to understand and process. Personal therapy and supervision provide additional support to explore anxiety in depth. Holding onto your “why” for training can help you move through anxiety and stay motivated. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
- 3 weeks ago
373 – Defensible Decision-Making
New Rules on Police Requests for Counselling Notes – Balancing Time and Training In Episode 373 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore defensible decision-making in relation to using technology and AI in counselling practice. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Irene Hadjiioannou about new 2026 guidance on police requests for counselling notes and what this means for client confidentiality and therapeutic work. And finally in ‘Student Services’, Rory, Ken, and Sarah Henry discuss balancing time and training — the realities, expectations, and challenges of being a counselling student. Defensible Decision-Making in Technology and AI [starts at 03:03 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore defensible decision-making, considering how counsellors can use technology and AI in practice while ensuring accountability and client protection. Key points discussed include: Defensible decision-making means being able to clearly explain and justify why you chose a particular tool or approach. Decisions must move beyond instinct - they should be grounded in evidence, reflection, and professional reasoning. Common examples include referrals, breaking confidentiality, and now increasingly, choosing digital tools like email or video platforms. Key questions to ask include: why you chose the tool, what you considered, what checks you carried out, and what concerns you identified. Ethical decision-making must always link back to client welfare, confidentiality, fairness, and good practice. Documenting your decision-making process is essential in case you are ever required to justify your actions in a complaint or review. New Rules on Police Requests for Counselling Notes [starts at 26:19 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Irene Hadjiioannou about new legal guidance introduced in January 2026 regarding police requests for therapy notes. Key points from this conversation include: Confidentiality is a cornerstone of therapeutic work, especially for survivors of abuse, where trust and privacy are essential. Previous routine requests for therapy notes could feel intrusive and risk re-traumatising clients. New guidance states that counselling notes should not be requested as a matter of course and must be justified and proportionate. Requests now require authorisation from a senior police officer, adding an extra layer of protection. Therapists should write notes for clinical purposes only - not for legal proceedings - and follow data minimisation principles. Increased awareness and communication of these changes are needed to reassure clients and support access to therapy alongside legal processes. Balancing Time and Training [starts at 48:50 mins] In this section, Rory, Ken, and Sarah Henry discuss the realities of managing time while training to become a counsellor. Key points include: Counselling training is highly demanding, involving study, placement hours, supervision, and significant personal development. Students often juggle training alongside work, family responsibilities, and other life commitments. Consistent attendance is vital - missing sessions impacts both learning and group cohesion. Training requires sacrifice, whether that’s time, social activities, or personal routines. Planning ahead and taking a step-by-step approach can help manage overwhelm and maintain progress. Open communication with family and support networks is essential to navigate the demands of training successfully. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
- Apr 18, 2026
372 – Understanding AI Categories in Counselling Practice
The Future of Therapy in the Age of AI - Counselling Students and Agency Reports In Episode 372 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore understanding AI categories in counselling practice, examining the different types of AI tools counsellors may encounter and why understanding these distinctions is essential for ethical and safe client work. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with therapist and journalist Matt Hussey about the future of therapy in the age of AI and how technology may reshape mental health support. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss agency reports in counselling training - what they are, why they matter, and how they contribute to assessing a trainee counsellor’s readiness for professional practice. Understanding AI Categories in Counselling Practice [starts at 02:58 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore understanding AI categories in counselling practice, examining the different types of AI tools therapists may encounter and why recognising these distinctions is important for ethical and safe practice. Key points discussed include: Digital Mental Health Technologies (DMHTs) are purpose-built for mental health care and developed with input from clinicians and researchers. These tools are typically regulated and designed with strong data protection and governance frameworks. General-purpose AI tools (such as ChatGPT or other large language models) are designed for broad tasks and are not regulated for therapeutic use. AI tools may appear supportive and conversational, but they rely on pattern recognition rather than genuine understanding. Commercial mental health apps may market themselves as therapeutic, but can vary widely in their safeguards and accountability. Therapists remain responsible for client confidentiality, data protection, and ethical decision-making when considering the use of any AI tool. The Future of Therapy in the Age of AI [starts at 34:25 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with therapist and journalist Matt Hussey about how technology, culture, and rising demand for mental health support may shape the future of therapy. Key points from this conversation include: Clients are increasingly arriving at therapy with knowledge of psychological concepts such as trauma, attachment, and emotional well-being. The traditional model of clients as passive recipients of expert interpretation is shifting toward a more collaborative and relational therapeutic approach. Demand for mental health support continues to grow, with millions of referrals to services such as the NHS. Technology, including AI tools, is already being used by many people for informal emotional support. AI is appealing because it is free, accessible, and available at any time. Rather than seeing AI as direct competition, therapists may benefit from understanding why clients seek support from these tools. If you enjoyed this conversation, we highly recommend visiting The Brink by Matt Hussey—a thoughtful collection of essays exploring the hidden psychological forces behind how we think, feel, and connect in modern life. Counselling Students and Agency Reports [starts at 01:01:11 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explain the purpose of agency reports in counselling training and how they contribute to evaluating a trainee counsellor’s professional development. Key points include: Counselling students typically complete 100 hours of supervised placement within an agency as part of their qualification. An agency report provides the organisation’s view of the trainee’s professional conduct and competence. The report assesses areas such as safeguarding, legal frameworks, ethical practice, and record keeping. It forms part of a wider assessment process alongside course assignments, tutor feedback, and supervision reports. Agency reports provide a 360-degree perspective on how a trainee works within a real counselling environment. This process helps ensure that trainees entering the profession are practicing safely, ethically, and responsibly with clients. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
- Apr 11, 2026
371 – AI in Counselling – Have Therapists Been Left Behind?
Preparing to Meet Your First Client - Humanism vs Person-Centred Therapy In Episode 371 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly explore three key topics relevant to counsellors and counselling students. Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they introduce the emerging conversation around AI in counselling, exploring whether therapists are being left behind and how practitioners can engage with AI ethically. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Jessica Wing about preparing to meet your very first client, sharing insights to help students transition from classroom practice to real therapeutic work. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken clarify the difference between humanism and person-centred therapy, a common area of confusion for counselling students studying theoretical models. AI in Counselling – Have Therapists Been Left Behind? [starts at 03:07 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore the growing role of AI in counselling and why therapists cannot afford to ignore the conversation. Key points discussed include: AI is already embedded in many tools therapists use daily (email systems, video platforms, and software), even if practitioners do not actively use AI themselves. Counsellors don’t need to become technology experts, but they do need to understand the ethical implications of AI in practice. Clients are increasingly using AI tools themselves, sometimes discussing personal struggles with chatbots and bringing those experiences into therapy. Therapists can respond with curiosity rather than resistance, exploring how AI interactions affect a client’s experience and meaning-making. Practitioners may fall into different camps regarding AI: the enthusiast, the resistor, the anxious middle, or the pragmatist. Ethical frameworks and professional bodies in the UK (such as BACP and NCPS) are already beginning to address AI in guidance and policy. Preparing to Meet Your First Client [starts at 27:55 mins] In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory speaks with counsellor and trainer Jessica Wing about preparing to see your first client as a counselling student. Key points from this conversation include: The transition from classroom triads to working with real clients can feel daunting because real clients bring richer and more complex stories. First-session anxiety is normal; leaning on support from supervisors and placement teams can help ground and reassure students. The first session is not about solving everything – it is about building trust, establishing rapport, and beginning the therapeutic relationship. Focusing on relational presence rather than getting everything “right” allows counsellors to be more authentic and effective. Maintaining self-regulation before sessions (for example through breathing exercises or grounding techniques) helps create a calm therapeutic space. Supervision plays a vital role in early practice, offering reassurance, reflection, and professional support as students begin their client work. Humanism vs Person-Centred Therapy [starts at 49:34 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken unpack the difference between humanism and person-centred therapy (PCT), a distinction that often confuses counselling students. Key points include: Humanistic psychology is a broad philosophical approach to understanding people, emphasising growth, free will, and personal meaning. It emerged as the “third force” in psychology, alongside psychoanalysis and behaviourism, influenced by thinkers like Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers. Person-centred therapy is a specific therapeutic model that applies humanistic principles in practice. PCT is built on the belief in the actualising tendency – the idea that people naturally move toward growth and fulfilment when the right conditions are present. Rogers identified the core conditions (empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard) as essential elements for therapeutic change. While many modern therapies incorporate humanistic values, person-centred therapy places the therapeutic relationship and client-led growth at the very centre of the approach. Here is a full handout on this topic: Humanistic Psychology vs Person-Centred Therapy The terms humanistic psychology and person-centred therapy (PCT) are often used interchangeably, but they refer to different levels of theory and practice. Humanistic Psychology (Humanism) Humanistic psychology emerged in the mid-20th century, associated with figures such as Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and Rollo May. It became known as the “third force” in psychology, following psychoanalysis and behaviourism. Humanism proposes that people are fundamentally oriented toward growth, meaning and creativity when the right conditions are present. Key Ideas People have an innate drive toward growth and self-actualisation
- Mar 21, 2026
370 – Grounding Techniques in Counselling Practice
Understanding ARFID - Finding Your First Supervisor In Episode 370 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore grounding techniques in counselling practice, highlighting key techniques every counsellor should know and why these skills are essential for safe, trauma-informed work. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Bernie Wright and Lisa Smith about ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) – what it is, how it presents, and why it is often misunderstood, particularly in neurodivergent individuals. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory, Ken and Paul Cullen discuss how to find your first supervisor – what to look for, what questions to ask, and why the supervisory relationship matters so much in your development. Grounding Techniques in Counselling Practice [starts at 03:46 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore grounding techniques in counselling practice, highlighting why every counsellor should understand how to help clients return to the here and now when they become distressed or overwhelmed. Key points discussed include: Grounding techniques are essential when a client becomes emotionally overwhelmed, dissociates, or is pulled into traumatic memories. Therapy happens in the here and now – if a client is reliving the there and then, effective therapeutic work cannot take place. Simple distraction and attention-shifting techniques (e.g. talking about neutral topics) can gently bring a client back into the present moment. Body-based grounding techniques, such as noticing physical sensations or using the 5-4-3-2-1 method, help regulate the nervous system. In more extreme trauma responses, reorientation techniques may be needed to remind the client where they are and that they are safe. Grounding is collaborative, individual, and most effective when practised regularly and introduced early. Understanding ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) [starts at 37:45 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Bernie Wright and Lisa Smith about ARFID – a complex eating disorder that is often misunderstood as “fussy eating” but can have serious physical and emotional consequences. Key points from this conversation include: ARFID is not driven by body image concerns but by fear, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, and sometimes neurodivergence. Recent guideline changes mean weight alone should no longer determine access to support – behavioural signs and functional impact are key. Neurodivergent individuals, particularly autistic people, may be more vulnerable due to sensory processing differences and rigidity around routines. Restricted diets can lead to nutritional deficiencies that impact brain function, creating a cycle of anxiety and further restriction. Interventions should be gradual and non-threatening – introducing small changes, using food chaining, and keeping “safe foods” in place. Battles around food can increase anxiety and shame; curiosity, patience, and flexibility are more effective approaches. Finding Your First Supervisor [starts at 01:01:32 mins] In this section, Rory, Ken and Paul Cullen reflect on the importance of choosing your first supervisor carefully and what to consider when beginning your clinical practice journey. Key points include: Supervision is an ethical requirement and becomes central to your practice the moment you begin seeing clients. The supervisory relationship must feel safe enough for you to discuss mistakes, uncertainties, and the full reality of your work. A supervisor should understand your modality and, where relevant, have knowledge of online and telephone working. Good supervision is not simply a friendly chat – it should challenge you, stretch you, and support your professional growth. Students are entitled to ask questions about a supervisor’s experience, knowledge of legislation, and approach to supervision. While some placements assign supervisors, it’s important to reflect on fit, autonomy, and whether the arrangement supports your development. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
- Mar 14, 2026
369 – Working with Shame in the Therapy Room
Working with Limerent – Feeling Out of Your Depth as a Student Counsellor In Episode 369 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore working with shame in the therapy room – how shame presents, how it differs from guilt, and how to work with it gently and ethically. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Nadine Pittam about limerence – a powerful and often overwhelming state of obsessive romantic attachment – and how therapists can work safely and effectively with clients experiencing it. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss what to do when you feel out of your depth as a counselling student, offering reassurance, practical guidance, and encouragement. Working with Shame in the Therapy Room [starts at 03:24 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore working with shame in the therapy room, unpacking the complex and often hidden nature of shame, how it presents in clients, and how therapists can respond sensitively and ethically. Key points discussed include: Shame is identity-based (“there is something wrong with me”), whereas guilt relates to behaviour (“I did something wrong”). Shame often hides itself and may present subtly through withdrawal, minimising, avoidance, anger, or difficulty maintaining eye contact. Triggers can include criticism, rejection, humiliation, invalidation, bullying, coercion, or conditional approval. The cycle of shame involves activation, negative self-beliefs, coping strategies (withdrawal, control, emotional numbing), temporary relief, and reinforcement. Working with shame requires gentleness – noticing body language, naming shame carefully, and pacing the work to avoid overwhelming the client. Reflective questions such as “When do you first remember feeling this way?”, “Who taught you that you were not good enough?”, and “What did you need at that time that you didn’t receive?” can open healing dialogue. Separating identity from experience is central – helping clients understand that what happened to them does not define who they are. Supervision and reflective practice are essential when working with shame, both for client safety and therapist self-awareness. Working with Limerent [starts at 33:53 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Nadine Pittam about limerence – a term coined by Dorothy Tennov to describe an intense, involuntary state of romantic obsession. Key points from this conversation include: Limerence is not simply infatuation or love; it is an addictive, dysregulated state marked by intrusive thoughts and emotional dependency. It can feel life-or-death in intensity and may result in relationship breakdowns, loss of identity, and significant emotional distress. The limerent object is often someone partially known (e.g. a colleague, acquaintance, former partner), allowing projection of unmet attachment needs. Therapy focuses on the client’s unmet needs and attachment history, rather than on analysing the limerent object. The therapist validates the emotional pain while gently challenging the belief that the other person will “solve” the distress. Limerence may involve “eroticised abandonment”, where rejection or unavailability intensifies obsession. Clear professional boundaries are vital, as therapists themselves may become the limerent object through transference. This is often longer-term work, requiring emotional honesty, self-compassion, and sustained therapeutic engagement. Feeling Out of Your Depth as a Student Counsellor [starts at 57:30 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore the common experience of feeling overwhelmed or inadequate during counselling training and placement. Key points include: Feeling out of your depth is common and often reflects care, responsibility, and commitment rather than incompetence. Imposter syndrome affects both students and qualified practitioners – it does not disappear after training. Clients may bring complex or distressing material that feels very different from classroom skills practice. Your role is not to fix clients or have all the answers, but to offer warmth, empathy, and a safe, non-judgemental space. Being deeply heard is rare and powerful – the therapeutic relationship itself is often the primary healing factor. If the work feels overwhelming, take it to supervision, personal therapy, and peer discussion rather than carrying it alone. You were accepted onto your course because your tutors believe in your readiness and potential. Developing robustness is part of training – feeling stretched can be a sign of growth. Reflective practice and open dialogue prevent self-doubt from becoming hidden shame. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Su
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About Counselling Tutor Podcast
The Counselling Tutor podcast serves student counsellors and psychotherapists in training. Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly examine the theory and practice of counselling and deliver academic content in an easy to understand and fun podcast. Students of Person Centred counselling, Transactional Analysis and behavioural models such as CBT will find something relevant to their studies on the Counselling Tutor Podcast.
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