You Can't Know What You Don't Know: DBT, Queer Joy, and Coming Out at Any Age with Dr. Kiki Fehling

Something in you already knows.Maybe it's been whispering for years. Maybe it got louder recently. Maybe you can't quite name it yet — but you know something is asking to be looked at.If you've been sitting with questions about who you are, who you love, or what this next chapter of your life is actually supposed to look like, the 3-Day Clarity Experience was built for you.Three evenings. One guide. A real map forward.Live on Zoom, May 5–7, 2026 - 7:00–8:15 PM CSTDay 1 – Is This Real? Your Story of Knowing. We'll trace the quiet moments that have been pointing toward this truth — the early clues, the body signals, the friendships that felt like something more. You'll leave with a personal Story of Knowing timeline that makes sense of what you've been carrying.Day 2 – Where Am I in This Journey? We'll walk through the five stages of later-in-life awakening, and you'll find yourself somewhere on that map. Not lost. Not behind. Exactly where you're supposed to be.Day 3 – What Now? Your Next Right Step. We'll look honestly at what's possible and what's getting in the way. You'll leave with a For-Now Truth Statement and a Three-Step Next Moves Plan — one small, supportive step forward.This isn't a webinar. It's three evenings of real company with a guide who has walked this road herself, alongside other women who are asking the same questions you are.If you've been listening to this podcast and wondering what the next layer looks like — this is it.Register for the 3-Day Clarity Experience at: https://annemariezanzal.com/3-day-clarity-experience/Anne-Marie Zanzal is a coach, ordained minister, and former hospice chaplain who came out at 52 after a long marriage. She works with midlife women navigating identity, faith, and the questions that don't go away.Now onto the podcast!What if the reason you didn't figure it out sooner had nothing to do with self-awareness — and everything to do with a world that never gave you the language?In this rich, warm, and genuinely important conversation, Anne-Marie sits down with Dr. Kiki Fehling (she/they) — clinical psychologist, author, Linehan Board Certified DBT expert, and queer mental health advocate — for a wide-ranging exploration of identity, emotion, and the practice of joy.Kiki shares their own coming out story as a bi and non-binary person who didn't find a non-binary identity until their mid-30s — even while specializing in LGBTQ+ mental health. Together, Anne-Marie and Kiki unpack one of the most liberating ideas in the episode: you can't know what you don't know. The language, the representation, the community — these aren't luxuries. They are the very things that make self-discovery possible.The conversation goes deep on:Why coming out later doesn't mean you missed something — and what actually gets in the way of recognizing yourselfBisexuality, biphobia, and the "bi as a phase" question — asked with care, answered with nuance and honestyDBT and dialectical thinking — how holding two true things at once can change everything for people in transitionQueer joy as a practice, not a destination — and specific, doable ways to cultivate it, whether life is going smoothly or you're in the thick of a dark night of the soulPeople-pleasing, guilt, and permission — why women in transition so often feel they don't deserve joy, and how to begin releasing thatGender exploration as playfulness — for those whose queer journey is taking them somewhere unexpectedWhether you're just beginning to ask questions, mid-transition, or somewhere on the other side, this episode will meet you where you are.🎉 Kiki is the author of Self-Directed DBT Skills, DBT Cards for Coping Skills, and the forthcoming LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook (2026). You can find all of Kiki's work at kikifehling.com, follow them on social media at @dbtkiki, or subscribe to their Substack newsletter, How to Queer Joy, for ongoing wisdom on exactly what it sounds like.💛 Ready to stop navigating this alone? The Authentically Us community is a warm, intentional space for women who are asking the questions Kiki and Anne-Marie talked about in this episode — and who are ready to find their people. Come find us: https://community.annemariezanzal.com/us