#45 | "He Doesn't Look Autistic" | 685 Parents On The Words That Stuck

Andy put a video up asking one question: which phrase from a professional never left you? His own was a paediatrician who would not answer whether Lydia was autistic, and instead said "we just need to ensure she reaches her potential, whatever that looks like." Around 685 parents answered. It is the only post we have ever done that got more comments than likes.So we sorted the lot and read them back. The denial, the low expectations, the gatekeeping, the ones that were meant kindly and landed like a brick, and the small number that got it exactly right. Over half of the worst of it came from a professional or a school. This one is heavy in places and very funny in others, and if you have ever been told your child does not look autistic, you are going to recognise most of it.Timestamps00:00 Thomas spells Playbarn on his iPad and reroutes the whole day02:49 The video Andy posted, and the phrase that never left him06:26 685 replies, and more comments than likes07:30 The split: denial, low expectations, cruelty, blame09:18 Over half of it came from a professional or a school10:34 "He doesn't look autistic" and what spazzy is actually short for15:10 The comebacks parents keep ready15:48 The grandad in the supermarket18:15 "Your autistic children may never thrive in school"19:02 Why families actually want a diagnosis22:35 "She isn't worth the funding" and the iceberg23:24 "Masking is a skill you should be proud of"24:38 The tongue tie nobody would treat25:51 Written off, and proven wrong32:05 The ones that were meant kindly34:53 The worst thing anyone said35:50 The comments about the comments36:01 What autistic adults asked us to hear37:38 The professionals who got it right40:36 A diagnosis doesn't change who your child is41:10 Hope without a promise41:25 Eye contact, and who it is really for45:04 Takiwatanga: in his or her own time46:01 "So am I. Don't worry. We see each other."47:20 Lydia's sleep, transitions and the summer holidaysTimecodes are taken from the raw recording and need tightening once the cold open is on the front of the final cut.Latest episode in the link tree in bio.