I Need You… Now Go Away”: The Push–Pull Relationship Patterns Behind Personality Disorders & How to Best Go About It with Dr. Laura Dabney

In this episode of Arash’s World, I have the pleasure of speaking with Psychiatrist and Relationship Expert Dr. Laura Dabney and author of “I Need You… Now Go Away!: Reclaiming Your Life When Someone You Love Has a Personality Disorder” where she reframes personality disorders not as “types of people,” but as a core emotional conflict: an almost phobic push–pull between closeness and distance. Dr. Dabney explains why partners often feel trapped in repeating patterns rooted in childhood familiarity and why waiting for the other person to change rarely works. Instead, she argues that shifting your own responses can disrupt the pattern and help the relationship dynamic evolve. We then move from labels to practical tools, such as noticing “destructive aggression” (forcing, cornering) and “destructive passivity” (withholding, expecting mind-reading), learning to tolerate difficult emotions (especially anger, sadness, and neediness), and using boundaries with “bridge statements” that protect you without escalating rejection. Moreover, Dr. Dabney explains how to distinguish all this from “normal” stress and stressors within a healthy and functioning relationship and when to seek help with a health professional, be it a life coach or a relationship expert like herself. Finally, she also makes a case for integrating CBT for stability and trust and then to follow it up deeper with psychodynamic insight to bring about lasting change, and she shares that she created Relationship RX for people who need clear actionable direction without necessarily committing to long-term therapy.