Quiet Acts of Hope

This episode of the AllPaths Podcast features Alisa DeLage, LICSW, a clinical social worker who shares her personal and professional insights into the complexities of family building. Alisa’s own journey began with the excitement of a pregnancy and the feeling like her story, married to her high school sweetheart, was unfolding exactly how it was supposed to. However a traumatic miscarriage at 11 weeks kicked off an 18-month struggle with infertility and loss. Amidst this, she and her husband navigated the complexities of kinship foster care for a young family member. These profound losses and the experience fostering eventually forced a shift in Alisa and her husband’s perspective, leading them to redefine parenting not by biological ties, but by the shared goal of experiencing parenting together.The conversation explores the resilience required to transition to private adoption, including the joy of welcoming two sons and the heartbreak of a disrupted adoption match. Alisa reflects on how her background as a social worker influenced her path, eventually leading her to specialize in reproductive mental health to support others navigating similar trauma. She introduces the vital concept of disenfranchised grief, emphasizing the importance of naming the loss of one's "story" as valid and worth grieving. By framing the choice to continue moving forward with treatments or appointments as a "quiet act of hope," Alisa offers a powerful perspective for those who feel depleted of energy but continue to take the next step.Beyond her personal narrative, Alisa provides clinical insights into how the community and medical providers can better support those living under the "cloud" of infertility. She highlights the difference between intent and impact, urging supporters to ditch assumptions and instead offer specific choices—like bringing dinner or simply sitting in silence—to reduce the mental load on the person struggling. This episode is a compassionate exploration of the cognitive flexibility needed to adapt when life doesn't follow the planned script, ultimately finding peace and gratitude in a family structure that may look different than originally imagined.Connect with Alisa at https://www.harmonywithintherapy.com/ and find other family building professionals in the AllPaths directory at https://allpathsfb.org/professional-directory/.TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:Pregnancy loss, TTC, kinship adoption, foster parents, miscarriage, loss, grief, adoption, private infant adoption, disrupted adoption, semi-open adoptions, first families, transracial family, adoptive families, social worker, disenfranchised grief, family building, infertility support, adoption journey, pregnancy loss, perinatal mental health, foster care experiences, grief and loss in parenting, emotional support during infertility, navigating family planning, maternal mental health, coping with miscarriage, parenting after loss, support for adoptive families, resources for infertility, private adoption process, understanding grief, mental health support for families, building a family through adoption, community support for parents, coping strategies for infertilityCONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.orgFollow us on social media @allpathsfbWant to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at podcast@allpathsfb.org!